you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
