we have officially mastered the walk of shame
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Randomize
