So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Randomize
