Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Randomize
