why didn't you poke me back
I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
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