Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
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