very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
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