Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
This baby is an asshole
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
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