opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
