i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
