Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Randomize
