Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
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