no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
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