My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
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