Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Randomize
