I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
