He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Randomize
