Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
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