I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
