My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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