exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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