I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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