I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
