Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
