I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Randomize
