Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
