Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
