P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
