is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
i came on her dog
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
