Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
