Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
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