He disabled his match.com account in front of me
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Randomize
