The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
I should be sponsored by Trojan
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
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