Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Randomize
