I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
