is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
