toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
