does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
