This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Randomize
