My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
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