yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
