Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
