Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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