i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
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