The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
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