sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
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