Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
