I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Randomize
