forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
