Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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