Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
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